junkie

i saw you there
and remembered
how could i forget?
so young ... 26 ...
too young to die ...
far too young ...
too sad ...
resigned ...
like a fox
caught in a leg hole trap
a trap ...
filled with needles ...
needles ... and more needles ...
and ... your sweet elixir ...
the rock ...
white, crystalline, potent ...
a trap ... a vortex ...
is there no way out?

you saw me too ...
remembered me ...
how could you forget ...
all those times
when you felt so scared
you smiled, briefly ...
then, cast your eyes
down in shame ...
itching for the fix ...
the trap ...
inescapable, ruthless, destructive
i watch you ...
gentle despair branded onto
your young ashy face
and that shuffling gait -
feet don't leave the ground ...

i wonder about your saccharine blood
and your sick, scarred heart ...
silently remembering your terror and rage
i notice your ankles - edema ... tell-tale sign
of needles and their legacy
you tell me,
'i need a mitral valve replacement ...
but the docs don't give those
to junkies like me'
i wonder ... my dear ...
why?
why do you embrace this entity
that destroys you?
and ... why do we watch you ...
suffer ... struggle ... despair
in the grips of your addiction?

lotus flower

lotus flower, plump
pink petals, delicately
I encircle you

the prey

your rank breath tasted of sour milk
car grease embedded in your fingernails
black soot pressed in the creases of your hands
fear, your sweet opium
sos - i seek refuge
who will rescue me from
you, a restless sexual vulture -
a vortex that hungers insatiably
fear anger shame hang thickly
an impenetrable fog

whispering self

my soul whispers
i listen, feel, understand
then, breathing, i whisper back

magnetic souls

powerful ... intense ... connected
i feel i've known you an eternity
like a stone makes a ripple
when it touches the water,
your soul ... it has made a ripple
in my eternity, my timespace
my soul ... bound to yours
magnetic energy fuses with
energy recognizes ... perceives
beyond consciousness -
could this be -
energy drawn to self?
molecules have found molecules
they’ve intimately known
part of self lover child
from a past life?

hungry inferno

orange sheaths of fire
crackle spit dance flicker
sailing the forest
clear sheets of heat shimmy
cloaked in thin ribbons of white smoke
woodland bowels, scarred and scorched
felled tree limbs, charred
strewn in an ashen sea
majestic green canopy swallowed
by hungry inferno

rain

relic green tower
with outstretched arms
silently slurping
blossom petals
like opaque snowflakes
float to earth
languid zephyr
the weight of rain, heavy

perceptual inferno

teeming
crystalline voices resonate
perceptual inferno
white noise in gray matter
my own psychic static
shrieking ... skulking ... shadows
i, hunter ... i, hunted
caustic clatter digests my psyche
neuron by neuron
axon by axon
dendrite by dendrite

hush ...

the song of the wind rises
from dimly lit
forest floor ...
tendrils gently stroke
outstretched relic arms
stirring ... chanting ...
ancient secrets ...
whispers from the forest floor

life ...

... is not measured in
the number of breaths we take ...
but by the moments
that take our breath away

plucked away

searing …soul crushing …relentless pain
smothering me
the fruit of my mothering …
plucked away from me …
but … why …
and reduced to a large plastic bag

he came to collect your belongings today
the man walked out with everything … you …
casually, like a bag of garbage

the door closes behind the man with the bag
leaving me imprisoned in my sorrow
an image of you, etched in my heart
elfin child - soft ivory skin, long chestnut lashes
intoxicating squeals of laughter

each day that passes
without you
the deeper and more palpable my loss becomes
my respirates
i do not feel alive